The Vuvuzela: the scourge of the armchair supporter

For anyone who watched England's final warmup against the Platinum Stars on Monday the 'traditional' South African vuvuzela was the only constant menace. Whilst England struggled to a meek 3-0 victory and in the process refusing to look like potential tournament winners the 12,000 South Africa supporters in attendance gave the armchair viewer a taster of what is to come for the next 4 weeks: pure, earsplitting hell.

Watching on the television you could be mistaken for thinking the stadium had been invaded by a furious swarm of bees. The consistent drone does nothing to lend itself to a footballing atmosphere. Forget about spontaneous terrace chants poking fun at the personal habits of the referee, forget about the roar of the crowd climaxing at a crescendo as the ball hits the back of the net and think of the monotonous buzz of several thousand cheap, plastic horns, for 90 long minutes. This is South Africa 2010.

Sepp Blatter, the FIFA President, has refused to ban the instrument for fear of "Europeanising an African World Cup". I've seen certain commentators praising the vuvuzela and likening any ban to the restrictions that were placed on steel bands that lead to a sterile 2003 Cricket World Cup in the West Indies. To draw comparisons between the two would be completely false, whilst the steel bands have accompanied Carribean cricket for decades the Vuvuzela has been an inherent part of African football culture since 2001. Plus at least the steel bands can carry a tune.

When the TV coverage gets under way on Friday I'm hoping for a 'Vuvuzela off' option accessible via the red button. Either that or I'm muting my TV, at least that way I don't have to put up with Clive Tyldesley's moronic commentary either.